From traffic to divorces: Is Pres. Muizzu’s solution to every crisis just more desks?

I was mindlessly scrolling through social media the other day when a message popped up in a friend group chat that briefly disrupted my train of thought.

Somebody had asked for an address for the national department of saving marriages. I watched the little dots appear at the bottom of the screen, and soon enough, another friend replied, asking if it was an actual thing. I chuckled, realizing the joke had completely gone over her head. The friend who asked the question then mockingly added that the current head of state is rapidly fabricating fresh bureaus for every single dilemma under the sun, a dedicated department for marriage failures was surely next on the assembly line.

It was only then, as the laugh emojis started rolling in, that the satire of the message really hit me. I appreciated the cynical swipe at the current administration’s latest bureaucratic masterpiece: the decision to launch an entire, highly funded executive agency dedicated solely to solving the capital city’s rush-hour traffic.

So naturally, I had to reach for my laptop.

Constitutional loopholes and code numbers

Exercising the authority granted under Article 116 of the Constitution, the head of state formally birthed this new entity, officially dubbed the Greater Malé Transport and Mobility Office.

According to administrative statements, this fresh layer of bureaucracy will function under the umbrella of the Ministry of Economic Development, Transport, and Trade.

The executive branch clarified that the institution's purpose is to draft and execute strategies alongside various stakeholders, supposedly delivering rapid remedies to the escalating gridlock fueled by the ever-growing swarm of automobiles suffocating the capital region.

Further, this new entity is expected to spearhead efforts to modernize regional transit, construct parking spaces, and introduce other contemporary fixes for the ongoing gridlock.

A governing board will pilot the daily operations of this bureau. For official paperwork routed from other state departments, the executive branch has even designated the specific numerical tag of 1142 for this new institution.

Triplicating an already crowded field

The birth of this redundant bureau happens despite the active presence of a fully functioning Ministry of Transport.

In addition to this, the police department is already heavily engaged in enforcing roadway regulations, operating traffic checkpoints, and supervising designated parking areas.

Existing traffic laws are already in place, and vehicles parked improperly or blocking transit routes are regularly hauled away by tow trucks.

Making matters even more ridiculous, this bureau was created after the local municipal government had already completed thorough research to analyze the capital's issues and formulated a comprehensive strategy based on those exact discoveries.

This blueprint was openly shared with the public during a recent town hall meeting intended to harvest feedback from local residents.

Current capital city mayor, Adam Azim, openly declared that this blueprint would be put into action through joint efforts with all relevant state authorities.

Public sees right through the smoke and mirrors

This leaves citizens wondering whether a simple shortage of office desks is truly the root cause behind the unresolved gridlock, vehicular explosion, and transit woes plaguing the capital.

Judging by the wave of digital commentary surrounding the newly minted bureau, the general consensus is that an extra government institution is entirely pointless.

Multiple departments are already legally tasked with these exact duties. On top of that, overseeing the streets of the capital falls squarely within the official portfolio of the local municipal government.

Simply bolstering current law enforcement structures and collaborating with the local council could easily provide the necessary answers.

One online critic sarcastically questioned if the new bureau's secret directive was to instantly cure the crisis by physically banishing specific vehicles and citizens from the capital altogether.

Another citizen meticulously listed the multitude of agencies already tasked with handling the streets and traffic flow of the capital and its outer regions, naming the police force, the national defense force if required, the transport ministry, and the local city council.

They demanded to know what else could possibly need creating, pleading for genuine sincerity and loyalty to the citizenry, while reminding officials that a day of reckoning will arrive where every single policy choice will face strict questioning.

Scientific breakthroughs in desk-sitting

A separate satirical comment mocked the administration by noting that as long as bureaucrats sit in air-conditioned rooms gossiping and collecting state paychecks, the sheer volume and physical dimensions of cars on the asphalt will miraculously shrink by magic.

The commenter joked that these are surely the breakthroughs of modern space agencies and scientific institutions. They added that national advancement has deteriorated to the point where even a minor pipe leak demands its own separate department outfitted with desks, office chairs, cooling systems, and highly compensated bureaucrats to get fixed. The commenter dryly noted that apparently great milestones like the State Farm and the DBM Bank were pulled off by relying on these exact robust strategies of the current administration.

Public sentiment extracted from online forums highlights deep anxieties over the rollout of this institution. Observers are implying that the bureau is nothing more than a convenient vehicle for the regime to hand out employment slots to its loyal base. Consequently, rather than curing the gridlock, the move will likely only succeed in draining the public treasury further.

History of committees managing committees

The whole charade mirrors a historical anecdote from a previous regime. Back then, a certain government department became so obsessed with forming panels rather than doing actual work that the head of state instructed the minister to slash the number of groups and pivot to real execution.

The very next morning, the department fired off a letter to the executive castle proudly stating that in compliance with the order to downsize panels, they had officially resolved to establish a panel to oversee the reduction of panels, a secondary panel to coordinate their logistical matters, and a third panel to monitor the progress of the entire operation.

Ultimately, the nation is not suffering from a famine of offices or institutions. If specialized bureaus keep multiplying for every single domestic hiccup despite the existence of perfectly capable ministries, then a dedicated department for marriage preservation might actually be just around the corner.

Considering that the Maldives currently holds a spot as one of the most divorce-prone nations on the planet, the notion of the current head of state assembling a national office dedicated to stopping divorces actually fits perfectly into his governing style.